I believe each person possess a defense mechanism that protects and often saves from injuring the personality. Call it instinct if you like, since the way it evolves is the same – through experience. It probably starts when a kid starts hating a teacher just because he is not the teacher’s pet. Instead of diving into self loathing, his infant defense mechanism helps him by protecting his confidence in himself. But not all children are so lucky. Their confidence can easily take a hit and the impact follows them into adulthood too.
As a child matures, his defense mechanism picks up a few tips and tricks. Some of us girls learn that acting aloof and haughty can ward off most of the unwanted attention, fighting with her sibling gets her more attention from parents, turning hyperactive and outgoing heals a heartbreak faster, having more number of girlfriends ensures a pillow to cry on anytime of the day..
Now it is not very different with guys. Like dismissing something he knows is beyond his capability as something he doesn’t really care for, being sarcastic- which is a brilliant way of getting back at a stronger person, not believe and get into a relationship because he has had bad ones in the past, blame his relationship a clingy one to avoid admitting that he is scared of going home to the same person forever. In case of children who are molested, studies say that they used such defense mechanisms as acting-out, denial, introjection, projection, schizoid fantasy or dissociation.
Well it works both ways. Sometimes the defense is so strong, it flies you right past the emotional turbulence without you having to take even a glance at it. Later you might regret about that. Even so, you are safe. At other times, your defense has never come across such an event that is causing you so much trouble that it doesn’t know which way to turn you. Should it diverge your attention into something else or make you ponder more to get a solution! Then you have only your judgment to bet on.
Do we have any part in the evolution of our own defense mechanism?I think, yes. Your personality, the way you react to an incident, the way you were brought up, in fact, everything about you has a hand in developing the defense.
Fortunately or unfortunately, we are but clay in the hands of people who surround us. They put pressure and we are pressurized..They appreciate and we feel happy.But if you are aware of the effect that people have on you, you can actually build a defense mechanism which works for you through thick and thin.